Is something wrong with me?

Hey Friends,

I’m here with a new post. I really hope you guys enjoyed the last one. And for those who haven’t read that, just do so before reading this piece, just so you can identify with me (I’m just joking. But please, read it and share with someone. PLEASE) Emphasis added.

Now the subject matter for today! Is something wrong with me????? This post is a special for the ladies. Single ladies to be precise!  I already had this topic in mind but a conversation I had with a friend on Sunday confirmed my thoughts! Like yeah! “Subomi, you really need to talk about this”. Anyway, that’s that. Before I continue ranting, I ask yet again – “What’s wrong with me?” My friends actually think I have a problem because I’m single (My friends who are in relationships to be precise! I still love you guys though). “You’re too picky! You’re not serious! You still think you’re young! You’re getting old! Lower your standards! You’re too tough on guys! You’re this! You’re that!” This is what I get whenever I talk about a failed relationship of mine or a potential guy I’ve refused to date. Society just presumes I am the problem! So is there something really wrong with me??? (For clarity’s sake, society refers to my friends and my mom)

“Why am I single?” (I actually got a book with this title about 2 weeks ago, out of curiosity and just to make sure there’s actually something wrong with me!) But don’t blame me for thinking at times if there’s actually something wrong with my relationship life! Just yesterday morning, my mother was telling me that my father called her to inquire when I would introduce ‘intended fiancé” to the family! I’m like – “Hello, which fiancé? If he really wants me to get married, he should bring the right man for me”


The Right Man

What is the right man? We all have our definition of an ideal man? “Tall, dark, Handsome, Smart, can dress well… the list is endless”. But what is your scale of preference? If you had to make a list in order of importance, which would come first?

My list 5 years ago:

  1. Tall
  2. Dark
  3. Handsome
  4. Good sense of humor
  5. Can dress well
  6. Good diction
  7. Proper hygiene
  8. Neat
  9. Must have good fashion sense
  10. Smarter than a 5th Grader
  11. Rich


But over time and with God’s help, MY IDEA OF WHO A RIGHT MAN IS:

  1. Must love God with all his heart, mind and soul.
  2. The bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh.

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Sounds funny right? From a long list to just 2! 2 critical and important features that WILL DEFINITELY TAKE CARE OF THE REST.

But where will I find such a guy!? We’ve all heard that men are few so does that mean I should just settle for one? Before I stay single and unmarried at 40!

In this society we live in, finding a man with these 2 qualities is not as easy as  it seems. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack! Or so they believe! A man who loves God will all his heart, soul and mind will struggle to do right by the Word. I mean! I have little to worry about- like my man coming home drunk, beating me, smoking his lungs out, disrespecting me, and CHEATING! That’s the most common problem we hear of today!

The typical Nigerian young woman has already zeroed her mind to the fact that ALL MEN CHEAT. I feel like I’m in utopia when I argue that men who love God with all their hearts, mind, and soul will fight so hard to please God and the issue of cheating will not arise. There’s a difference between being tempted and actually falling for temptation. A good man is one who’ll struggle to fight temptation when faced with one. But no, they think I’m crazy and naïve for thinking this way. “Even Pastors cheat! So what are you talking about?” I really have this confused look on my face and wish I could open their skulls and let them know that one can’t judge everyone because of one person’s bad behavior.


With this “typical’ ideology, women decide to accept all forms of disrespect from men, giving excuses for their behavior, accepting that cheating is an innate character of man! I disagree completely! And I can’t lower my standards, I can’t understand why I should accept what is unacceptable, I can’t relate with that sort of disrespect! I just can’t! and if this is why I’ll be single for the rest of my life, so be it. I really don’t know why I should accept such mediocrity.


It’s actually sad that many women are actually accepting same! This is where the term “side chic” becomes acceptable!  I mean, some women actually don’t mind being second best! They have it in their heads that the guy might pick them! Some would even say “As long as he doesn’t let me know he’s cheating/ I don’t catch him in the act. We’re good” I really find this totally hilarious! Like who came up with such a delusional ideology! If we think about it, how many men would accept being second best? How many men would accept their women cheating? None! So why should women accept it?2012-10-19-desperate_hand


Not accepting mediocrity doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be submissive nor love your man. Being strong willed doesn’t make you want to play the role of a man. It just means you have placed a high value on yourself and accepted that you shouldn’t be treated less than a certain standard!


“I’m not really trying to be a ‘feminist’ or what not! I’m just being realistic and I know my worth and value. I can’t be second fiddle. I can’t be second best. I have to be the one and only!”


Some of you would disagree and say “I hope she eventually finds a man who’ll fulfill all these criteria”. Lol. I hope so too! But really women! Common….we can do better. It all starts with one woman being able to say ‘I can’t tolerate this!”. You shouldn’t!


“I really could go on and on! But I know we all have a short attention span!”


And MEN! If you don’t cheat, you won’t die! Get closer to God. Love Him more than anything in the world, you’ll find that your weaknesses will be made perfect in His Strength!



But hey! What do I know!?…Right?

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